How to Help a Child With Transitions and Changes in Routine

Playtime is going well until a parent says it is time to put shoes on. A child who was calm a moment earlier drops to the floor, cries, or tries to return to the toys. The reaction can seem much bigger than the request. For some children, however, the difficult part is not putting on shoes. It is shifting from one activity, expectation, or environment to another.

Why Transitions Can Be Difficult

A transition requires several skills at once. A child has to notice that one activity is ending, disengage from what they are doing, understand what is happening next, manage any disappointment, and begin a new sequence of actions.

Young children are still developing all of these skills. Transitions can be even harder when a child has communication differences, sensory needs, difficulty with flexibility, challenges understanding time, or a strong preference for predictable routines.

This is why a child may handle the same transition well on one day and struggle on another. Fatigue, hunger, noise, an unexpected change, or the loss of a preferred activity can increase the demand.

Children often manage transitions more successfully when they know what is coming. Advance notice can be simple: ‘Two more turns, then we are putting the blocks away,’ or ‘After this show, it is bath time.’

The warning should match the child’s level of understanding. For some children, verbal reminders are enough. Others benefit from a visual schedule, picture, timer, or object that represents the next activity.

First-then language can be especially useful when the child is leaving a preferred activity. It shows that the current demand has an endpoint and that another known activity follows.

A child may not be able to choose whether school starts, whether it is time to leave the playground, or whether a bedtime routine happens. They may be able to choose how they participate.

Would you like to carry your backpack or have me carry it? Do you want to hop to the bathroom or walk? Which two toys should we put away first? Small choices can provide a sense of control without changing the overall expectation.

Build Consistency Into Familiar Routines

Predictable routines reduce the number of decisions a child has to make. If getting ready for bed generally follows the same sequence, the child begins to learn what comes next.

Visual schedules can support this by showing a short sequence such as pajamas, brush teeth, book, bed. Over time, the routine itself can become a cue, and the child may need fewer reminders.

It is difficult to teach transition skills during the most stressful transition of the day. Families can practice flexibility in small ways when the child is regulated.

For example, change the order of two familiar play activities, practice cleaning up one toy before choosing another, or use a timer during an activity the child can leave without much distress. Small experiences with ending, waiting, and beginning again help build the underlying skill.

When a child completes a difficult transition, specific feedback helps identify what went well. ‘You put the tablet away when the timer rang and came to the table’ is more informative than a general ‘good job.’

Not every transition can be predicted. A class is canceled, a favorite store is closed, or a different adult arrives for pickup. In those moments, adults can acknowledge the change, state the new plan simply, and show what remains predictable.

A child who relies on routine is not necessarily trying to control the situation. Predictability may be one of the tools they use to understand what is expected.

When Additional Support May Help

If transitions regularly lead to intense distress, prevent participation in school or community activities, or make basic family routines difficult, it may be helpful to look more closely at what is contributing to the challenge.

Achieve Beyond provides developmental and behavioral services that can help families understand the skills involved in everyday routines and build individualized strategies for greater participation and independence.